Lead with respect
The quickest way to stand out is to treat her as a person, not a type.
Avoid opening with her age or the word "cougar". Talk to her about her, the way you would with anyone you liked the look of.
What she's likely to value
- Honesty. Say what you're looking for and stick to it.
- Reliability. Reply to messages, turn up on time, and do what you said you'd do.
- Confidence without bravado. Being relaxed and curious goes much further than trying to impress.
- Good conversation. Ask about her life, her interests and her plans, and listen to the answers.
Mistakes worth avoiding
- Making it all about the age gap. It's part of the story, not the whole of it.
- Moving too fast. Let things build at a pace you're both comfortable with.
- Assuming she'll pay, or that she won't. Talk about it, or take it in turns.
Getting started
Begin with a message that shows you've read her profile. Our guide on how to start a conversation on a dating site has openers that work, and first date ideas will help when you're ready to meet.